I help people think through conflict, boundaries, repair, responsibility, and the decisions that change relationships.
I call the larger practice Right Relationship: figuring out what is happening, what you need, what belongs to you, what other people get to choose, and what you should do next.
You may be trying to figure out:
Right Relationship gives you a way to think about those moments before you reach for the perfect sentence.
You might need to say what happened. You might need to make a request, set a boundary, take responsibility for your part, try to repair harm, accept an answer you don't like, create distance, or change the relationship.
At work, the next move might be a decision about authority, policy, roles, resources, or structure.
Better communication cannot give you control over another person's response. It also cannot fix a problem created by an unfair policy, unclear authority, or somebody refusing to make a decision they are responsible for making.
Right Relationship asks you to take your own feelings, needs, limits, and responsibilities seriously while treating other people as people with dignity and agency of their own. Then you decide what the situation actually calls for.
A lot of conflict advice starts with the sentence you're supposed to use. I usually start earlier.
I want you to leave my work better able to ask those questions for yourself. A script can help with a conversation. It cannot decide which conversation you need.
The In Right Relationship Lab is the ongoing place to practice Right Relationship.
Bring the situations you're actually living through. Ask questions. Practice noticing what you're feeling and needing, making requests, setting boundaries, taking responsibility, thinking about repair, and deciding what comes next.
You don't have to wait until a relationship is falling apart to practice.
Join the LabBring me the relationship, conflict, or decision you cannot stop thinking about.
We'll look at what happened, what you need, what belongs to you, what the other person gets to choose, and the options in front of you.
I won't decide the relationship for you. I will help you think.
Explore 1:1 supportI work with leaders and teams dealing with conflict, unresolved harm, low trust, leadership tension, difficult decisions, and relationships that are affecting the work.
Sometimes people need a better conversation. Sometimes the organization needs to make a decision, clarify authority, change a policy, redistribute responsibility, or address the conditions creating the conflict.
My work can include assessment, facilitation and repair processes, advising, learning and practice, or a longer engagement.
Support your organizationFor years, my work centered Restorative Justice in schools, organizations, and communities. I've taught, facilitated circles, supported people through conflict and harm, and worked with groups trying to take accountability seriously without turning accountability into punishment.
Over time, I kept running into questions that were bigger than any one Restorative Justice practice.
How do you care about somebody without abandoning yourself? What do you owe after you cause harm? What do you do when repair is possible but reconciliation isn't? What happens when everybody understands each other and still disagrees? When does the problem belong between two people, and when does an institution need to change?
Right Relationship is where I'm continuing that work.
My practice is grounded in Restorative Justice and shaped by abolition, anti-racism, decolonization, anti-capitalism, circle keeping, Nonviolent Communication, and traditions of interconnection including Kapwa, Ubuntu, and In Lak'ech.
About DavidMost of my work starts in public. I make videos, write, and talk through real questions about conflict, boundaries, repair, responsibility, power, and what to do next.